Whisper Just a Little Louder
by Sabor Tooth Tiger
Summary: Soldier didn't want to admit it to anyone, especially himself. He didn't want anyone to know that he was deaf. But it's very hard to keep a secret when you're surrounded by a bunch of other guys who have nothing better to do than nose into your business. Jane Doe just hoped that no one would notice.


I don't own TF2.

**A/N:** This is my first TF2 fic so please be nice to me. This first chapter is more of a test to see how well it does. If it does well and I get a lot of reviews, then I will continue it. There's going to be a chance that I will only be posting my complete stories on so keep an eye out.

**Warning: Engineer/Soldier yaoi, mild thoughts of suicide**

**For those who don't know: **Soldier = Solly, Jane Doe (that is his name in the TF2 comics)

Engineer = Dell, Engie (Dell is rumored to be his name in the TF2 comics.)

**Whisper Just a Little Louder**

**Summary: **Soldier didn't want to admit it to anyone, especially himself. He didn't want anyone to know that he was deaf. But it's very hard to keep a secret when you're surrounded by a bunch of other guys who have nothing better to do than nose into your business. Jane Doe just hoped that no one would notice.

**Chapter 1 (M)**

Soldier grunted as Engie thrust into him. It wasn't often the smaller man was allowed to top but when he did, he made up for the times he missed. Soldiers toes curled as Engie made himself more comfortable between his legs as he continued on. The bed squeaked underneath them as the Engineer continued to pound into him, the sound of skin slapping echoed throughout the room. At any other time, the Soldier would have chuckled at the ridiculous sounds he was probably letting out. But now, that was not the case. It wasn't like he could hear himself. It wasn't like he could hear the sweet nothings the Engie was whispering in his ear. He could tell that's what the other man was doing because he could feel his breath on his ear and feel it break for words. If he looked, he could see his mouth moving. But no words would ever hit Soldiers' ear.

He was deaf. That was something he never told the others. The only other one who knew was the Medic and he only knew because he had to heal him when his ears were bleeding. Bleeding because of that damn rocket launcher. His most prized weapon besides the shovel, had ruined his hearing. He had begged Medic not to tell anyone, which is something he'd normally never in his life, think of doing. Medic had responded with a pat on his head and told him slowly so the Soldier could read his lips, that it was doctor-patient confidentiality. That was one relief at least. Although the Medic had insisted he teach Soldier sign language since the Medic had a deaf daughter; Soldier refused. The last thing he wanted was for someone to find out because his new way of communication was a movement of hands. No, he was going to keep reading their lips. Unfortunately, sometimes he was slow at responding because he was trying to work out what they had said in that quick jumbled mess.

Because he was a bit slow at responding, the others considered him stupid. But Soldier wasn't. He really wasn't. Insane maybe but not stupid. He had a collage degree for crying out loud. Before he joined the Reds, he was going to be a coach. He was going to coach kids of all kinds. Disabled or not. Soldier loved kids and got along with them better than those his own generation.

When he found out he was going to be deaf his whole life and not just temporary, he had felt like his life was tearing around him. He had locked himself in his room during cease fire and holidays. When he did, he often began screaming and yelling words that he was sure the others couldn't make out and shrug, thinking he had gone into some insane fit when in fact, he was going around the room with tears falling down his face, trowing things all around; some of which would break and shatter into many pieces.

Like the watch his mother had giving him. It was her most precious possession since it used to belong to his deceased father. In one of his fits of rage, he had taken it and slammed it against the wall, breaking it. Engineer fixed it for him and it looked like it had never been broken in the first place but that memory was still there.

Engie's hands adjusted on his legs as he began to slow down a bit. Engie always did this. He'd drag out the orgasm that they both knew was coming. Soldier never complained. It felt like a small ounce of heaven then. When it hit him, his back arched and he called out for all it was worth before they both landed in a pile, panting. Without a word, Soldier turned away from Engie the second the Texan man got off him. He knew the smaller man wanted to talk to him. But Soldier wanted to give him a reason to get his attention. To give him a reason to glance over at him during this tired stage. That's when he felt a soft pat on his him and almost grinned. Dell must have thought that he was ignoring him. The pat on the hip in bed was a way for them both to say, I want to talk to you. The harder the pat, the angrier the person that wanted your attention.

Giving in, Soldier turned to look at the man's tired, smiling face. Dell, noticing he had the others attention, wrapped an arm around Soldier's waist and grinned. "How was that, Solly?" Engie had asked Jane was mentally glad that Dell normally spoke slower than the others so he was able to read the man's lips quickly. In response, Jane gave a grunt, too tired to say anything. He felt the other man's body shake from laughter and air brush across his ear. Soldier didn't know what was said to him but right now, he didn't care. He was tired and going to sleep is better when you have been worn out.

_**Memory (one month ago)**_

"_Yo, man! You're freakin' crazy!" Scout yelled as he sprinted out of Soldier's room in a blur, face cut up a little bit from the vase that Soldier had thrown at him in attempt to get the twenty-three year old out of his room. Scout heard the door of the room he had just been in, slam shut and more angry shouts from the man inside the room echoed down the hall. Scout didn't stop running until he reached the kitchen to where everyone else gathered, eating breakfast. Spy was drinking from his mug and with a smug grin, said to Scout "So, where is the Soldier?" The twenty-three year old scowled at the Frenchman._

"_You suck! Next time, you're gonna be the one to get him out to eat!"_

"_Nyet." Heavy piped in, picking up his sandwich. "I will go. You all are too weak." Then he took a bite. Demoman just grunted, taking a long drink from his bottle. Medic spotted this. "You know," the German began with a click of his tongue and adjusting his glasses when they began to slide. "You wouldn't be drunk as often if you actually ate while you drank." The Scottsman glare. "AY! I love being drunk, a'right! Why don't YOU jost SHove IT! I EAT when I want 'ta." Medic rolled his eyes._

"_Maybe the firebug should be the one to get Soldier. No one messes with Pyro." Sniper suggested, taking a drink from his mug which read "#1 Sniper". Pyro, hearing that, set the pan with pancake batter on the stove and he wiggled around like the who thing flattered him before going back to cooking, which was really good and not burnt._

_Engineer frowned. "No one's going to bother the Soldier. Leave the man alone. He;s dealing with something. I don't know what but that's his business." Engie scolded and went back to fixing the watch that had Solly all beat up over. Scout snorted. "The guy's a freak. What could he possibly be dealing with all the way out here?!"_

_Engineer looked up, frown still in tact. "I don't like your tone, boy." He warned. The younger man took no notice and turned to Medic. "Doc, you're the last one to actually speak with him aside from hardhat here. What's up?" Medic just stared through his glasses with a exasperated look plastered on his face._

"_Now, now, mein kleiner junge. You know I can't tell you that." Medic tisked like he was speaking to a child. Scout's eyebrow twitched. "What did you just call me?!" He went to storm to the medic but Heavy suddenly getting up, glaring at him made him think otherwise. Scoffing, he sat down in his seat, stuffing pancakes in his mouth angrily. Heavy sat back down but still kept an eye on the younger man while Medic gave a pat on the arm in thanks to his friend._

_Engie just sighed and rubbed his face before going back to fix the watch._

_OOO_

_Soldier was now sitting on his bed, his throat sore from yelling and screaming. He rubbed his head which was now missing his helmet. Glancing at the broken vase on the floor. He felt sick. Not only at yelling and throwing the vase at Scout but also at the fact that he hadn't heard the shatter the vase made as it hit the wall by the door. Growing up, he remembered kids teasing him because he looked so much like a little girl before he had gone through puberty and he had thrown fits just like this, always finding satisfaction at the sound of something breaking._

_Now he didn't even have that kind of pleasure anymore. His only outlet was no longer available to him, and that ruined him. His throat burned and tears stung his eyes. Going over to the pieces, he grabbed the largest shard. He didn't even want to be at the base to begin with. He never want to fight. He didn't even want to use the rocket launcher that would ultimately destroy his hearing. If it wasn't for the fact he had landed himself homeless and jobless, he wouldn't have taken this job and he wouldn't find enjoyment at the sight of his enemies blowing to pieces. Taking the shard, he placed it to his wrist. It wasn't that he wanted to die. He didn't like doing it over and over. Soldier knew that if he died right now, he'd just end up respawning. He dropped the shard to the floor at the thought. He placed his hands to his ears and yelled out, despite the pain in his throat._

_Even death was denied to him. He wanted out. He wanted to die and stay dead. He didn't want to go on the battle field. How was he supposed to know where the enemy was if he couldn't hear? He would be easy target for anyone who was behind him. Wrapping his arms around himself, he never felt more helpless than he did at that moment._

**A/N: **I know it's short but as I said earlier, it was just to see how well this chapter did and to see if it was good enough to continue.


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